


ashes and fire

by monffee



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9666701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monffee/pseuds/monffee
Summary: one prompt a day, hundred words each.





	1. enthralled

**Author's Note:**

> au mostly ; from fluff to angst, k to m rated / written on february 26th, 2015

the short time they'd spent in osaka during tour was when yamada found out that his favorite ice cream café was still there. unmoved. with the same old lady shopkeeper and its pastel colored decorations, with the very same heavenly strawberry flavors that sweetly melts in his mouth. he used to go to this café alone whenever he was in osaka but now he got the love of his life to gladly accompanied him, nakajima.

 

yamada always loved the feeling of ice cream melts in his mouth. but then again, he loved nakajima’s kisses that melted his heart the most.


	2. snow

it was nothing but sweet kisses and little white promises on their lips as they officially called each other home. nakajima would held his beautiful angel in his arms protectively and yamada would always protested, saying that he didn't need protection but secretly enjoying the warm touches.

 

winter light, the smell of a breeze and the sound of christmas. he like those thing, yamada does.

 

they spent the night together, cuddling and listening to some carols in front of the fireplace. yamada kisses nakajima jaw in a brief second, saying ‘you idiot!’ for no particular reason. nakajima didn't mind that.


	3. acceptance

“why so gloomy?”

 

a stark naked pause. yamada looks away from the city before him, smiling sweetly, “i’m not.” nakajima rests his elbows on the railing, glancing at the beauty next to him. “so everything’s good now, huh?” he opens his pack of lights and pull a cigarette out, puts it in the corner of his mouth.

 

“pretty much.” yamada snatches the cigarette away from his lips; his knuckles grazing over his moustache, “how about you?” and nakajima could smell a slight touch of nostalgia in yamada’s scent, “i feel like shit.”

 

the smile tastes like regret on his tongue.


	4. silent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _yamada's pov_

i loved you at the first time we met, the moment we touched. i loved you for all that you promised me though you'd spoken not even one single word of a romantic poetry.

 

i loved you when you spoke with your lips landed on my forehead; said that i’m the most beautiful, the best you’ve ever had.

 

i loved you when you make my lips torn and bitten and bleeding. i loved your arms that held me tight beneath the moonlight and i loved you in the silence when my whisper escaped because you're no longer here with me. 


	5. trying

yamada's voice trembled and he hated it. nakajima turned his head from him and yamada looked down at the cup in his hands. the dim silence hold him hostage and he was scared, he was afraid of what comes next. “alright, if this is what you want then be it. i.. it’s not like i can do anything to change your mind.”

 

 _you could,_ his voice echoed in his head. he closed his eyes when nakajima touched his hand for the last time. “ryosuke...”

 

yamada tried so hard no to cry, “i love you, i’m sorry.” and then nakajima left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote a continuation [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9666701/chapters/32406633) :)


	6. pillow

“here you go, baby!” yamada giggles as he put kuu-chan’s plate on the floor and strokes its head with too much affection. the children song was hummed as kuu-chan fall asleep on yamada’s lap.

 

he tucks his pet into its sparkling bed not too long after, and chuckles as he sees nakajima’s face. putting his weight onto nakajima’s lap, he leans closer to brushes his lip against nakajima’s curved down one, touching his board chest in the process.

 

”well, enough jealous, yutti! i’m all yours now.” he let out a gasp when nakajima squeezes his butt, smirking like a pervert.


	7. fear

nakajima's gone. he left him forever behind. yamada could only do nothing but cried his eyes out, hugging his boyfriend’s lifeless body tightly. he always came to his grave, cried the entire times and fall asleep on nakajima’s tomb; came again and sobbing endlessly until he felt a gentle slap on his cheek.

 

yamada opens his sore eyes and hurriedly hugs someone who just woke him up, clinging to him for dear life.  _‘thank god! it was just a dream,’_  he murmurs against nakajima’s chest, still crying as nakajima gently stroked his back, then whispers an _‘i’m here, baby!’_ softly.


	8. game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _yamada's pov ; vagueness_

i knew it. i know that your fingers have made a conversation with someone else's skin. i feel you breathed out someone else’s scent when you kissed me. you said that i am an angel but, darling, i’m a sinner and you ain’t right. i am a worthless art. i am the painter who paints my own wrist with thorns. slowly, very carefully.

 

i see your shadow dancing around at the corner, screaming for my name, with a song of death following your every steps when darkness takes over. your tear falls like a river. and i left to rot.


	9. lace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is actually my favorite so far (shy laughs)

yamada turns around when someone calls his name. he sees his senior’s walking toward him, smiling widely. he looks down at his shoes and pulls the scarf around his neck higher to hides half of his blushing face. “hi!” he lifts his head to meet those dark orbs. “look, um…” nakajima runs his fingers through his hair nervously, “you’d like to go get coffee with me some time?”

 

yamada blinks and nakajima’s getting impatient, “so?”

 

“yes.” his voice soft. nakajima has to lean down to hear what he says, “hm?”

 

“i’d love to.” both boys smiles (all shy and sunshine).


	10. goosebumps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what i'm writing about. this one's so bad T_T

welling up from under his eyelids a blackened world. nakajima searched, screamed, ran and fell when the darkness taking over. the little glow has been obstructed by the dust of lies. he needed to find his source of life when the oxygen trapped in his lungs. the dimmed light was now blinking shyly, showed him a real regret and longing and pain and sorrow.

 

doubt lies inside of him. thus, the fragile luminescent hit him in an absolute perfection and make him to finally realized it in one single gulped. there’s still hope for him, for the both of them.


	11. blush

the blushing ryosuke hit his boyfriend’s shoulder shyly right after the younger gave him a quick sweet little peck on his lips in front of his classmates (mostly girls and nosy with a bunch of fashion magazines on their desks) whom now giggled excitedly.

 

in the afternoon, yuto was stunned for a moment when his brown haired lover suddenly pulled his uniform collar and kissed him affectionately, passionately in the parking lot after school (which is quite empty). and he could do nothing but wrapped his arms around ryosuke’s small delicate body tightly, while deepened their second kiss that day.


	12. fingertips

that was something that makes yamada wondered, about how nakajima gave him the flow of electricity to the heart via innocent touches, made him craved for his touch more, more and more. he snuggled closer when he felt nakajima’s fingers making its way from his thigh up to his slim waist.

 

“i want you, love!” nakajima whispered on his ear as he pulled the smaller body closer against his chest.

 

whimpered softly, yamada loosened his arms around his neck and kissed his collarbone. ”you don't need to asked. take me!” he said, while his fingers started to unbuttoning nakajima's shirt.


	13. different

one day in august, yamada’s humming a beautiful tune. "what're you doing, sweetheart?" nakajima asked him.

 

"i am writing."

 

the taller one’s frowned, and then he smiled after looking at the scratch papers on the desk, "a song?" yamada nodded cheerfully. "what song is this about? us?"

 

yamada's voice is soft, "the song i'll sing to you when we're old and tired." nakajima's heart was burnt. "i can't grow old, love. you know that." his eyes flickered with sorrowful sparks. he kissed nakajima's hand, "you will, yutti... in my memory."

 

he continue whistled as nakajima pray for a longer life.


	14. dinner

it hurts more than it should.

 

the last time they met was the only time nakajima never wanted to see him; yamada's crying in front of him, begging for his heart. "you're pathetic, you know that?" his eyes look so much like a cold breeze.

 

"yutti.."

 

a shake of head. a look of disgust. a broken yamada felt like his heart leapt into the depth. beyond his eyes, further on, the winter were blazing. nakajima sipped his whiskey, puts some dollars on the table, leaving him without apologized.

 

yamada's world spins as he wondered, "why it had to be you?"


	15. rain

most days, he forgets the cause of his regrets. his mind clouds up, like a raging storm in a quite atmosphere. it was seasons agoーwhere leaves are yellow as they shouldーwhen he met him for the first time, yamada ryosuke.

 

nakajima steps beneath the pouring rain, he zipped his jacket and puts his hands on each pocket. his eyes closed, his mouth still feels bitter from the black coffee he had earlier at _prudence_. he had tried, to rid of this feeling he had for him.

 

but, the task was way too impossible for him to do, he knows that.


	16. lips

the clock in the corner ticks a little too quiet. yuto's body is an ancient book, and ryosuke turns to any pages right before he sleeps. it gets a little bit lonely when the only thing he did was lay down and staring at the words away, though.

 

he snuggles closer to feel yuto's warmth ー caress his board chest to read every single syllables he could find there. marking all the sentences he loves, he reads them loudly. his favorite one would be when yuto's lips landed on his forehead because he knows that it reads, _i love you_.


	17. crying

nakajima knows that yamada’s ready to go. “don’t go. just dont.” he says. yamada stares at him with serenity on his lips and fake smile on his sunken eyes. “i’m not going anywhere, yutti.”

 

nakajima tries to smile, he then lays his body next to yamada’s frail one, hold him close and kisses his temple with starlight. “promise me you’ll stay, huh?” yamada closes his eyes, “i will.”

 

nakajima’s voice cracks, “promise me you’ll be strong!” he nods.

 

“i swear, i’ll find you the best doctor, just.. just don’t give up, you hear me?” and yamada could only sobs painfully.


	18. speed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NC-17 | _i shouldn't have listen to darren hayes' insatiable (shy laughs)_

nakajima love to rides his bike recklessly at the empty road one midnight a week. he loves speed, same with his lover whom now ride him ー bouncing up and down while tilting his head backward ー letting out a short _’ah!’_ erotically everytime nakajima thrusted his hips up for the sake of burried his cock deeper inside yamada.

 

 ”come on baby, faster!” he groaned in pleasure, gripped on yamada’s hips firmly to helped him increased the speed, and yamada did.

 

 nakajima finally flipped them over and started to thrust harder, turning the one beneath him into a moaning mess.


	19. wonder

there’s softness in the way yuto speaks, and ryosuke sees wonder written in his eyes when yuto asks for his permission to sits next to him in the school bus. his reply is a slight nod and a gentle smile. he’s always beautiful, ryosuke is. yuto’s fingers wanders nervously to find ryosuke's smaller one. his heart flutters as roses quietly blossom beneath ryosuke’s cheeks.

 

“why?” ryosuke asks shyly.

 

 “hm?”

 

 “why you do this?”

 

 “because I like you.”

 

 ryosuke bite his lips to hides his grin, “me too. for a very long time.”

 

and suddenly, yuto's the happiest person on earth.


	20. family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should've know better than to write something right after taking a pain killer (nervous laughs) this one didn't make sense at all ;(

yamada’s old in his father’s eyes, old enough to buy candies by himself. 15 years old yamada was sent to an army school, but failed because his height giving him problem. people bullied him cause his face as pretty as butterfly.

 

yamada’s old enough to said nonsense about having affair with a married man, nakajima. his father hit him so hard his head’s bleeding. there’s a star in his eyes, smiling with fire when he ran away from home. he tought he was free, but then he's lonely.

 

yamada’s old when he came back home, said that he was sorry.


	21. happy

ryosuke can love a thousand of loneliness and yuto can love him just the way he is. _when did everything stop being painful?_ ryosuke muses. he didn’t know what happened, but yuto’s presence always comfort him. he can still feel it even when yuto's hundred miles away, as his handsome face appears beneath his eyelids at a very long and lonely night.

 

ryosuke smiles, hugging his pillow tight and saying a goodnight.

 

it is a kind love, a selfless love that yuto gives him. ryosuke can love a thousand of loneliness, and also a thousand of yuto’s feeling that follows.


	22. fortune

“do you know that every time we meet, i just fall a little deeper for you, huh? even deeper when i don’t see you. i missed you, missed you so bad i thought i’m fucking dreaming right now.” nakajima murmurs against soft lips, repeats the words  _i miss you_  and  _it’s not real_  in every touch. but, it is. and yamada chuckles, deepen their kiss, tighten his grips on nakajima’s shoulders.

 

because yamada missed him too, after all these years. there’s just no one else, no one else in his heart.

 

shy sky eyes flutter open, “i missed you,  _too_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a snippet from an unfinished story that i'm writing at the moment (shy laughs)


	23. midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a continuation from this [one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9666701/chapters/21837452) (shy laughs)

it all began with a huge amount off lost emotions and tonight, ryosuke hangs the stars outside his windowsill to find him, to find the love they had before. upon his lips the coldest pulse of summer and the night behind his eyelids darkened.

 

ryosuke sees the truth on his palms, tears fall ever slowly. _why do i love you so_ , he thought. he tries to keep himself sane even though it hurts. a light breeze rustling his hair as his phone blinks, he takes it.

 

_can’t sleep. all i can think about is you._

 

perhaps yuto feels the same.


End file.
